Shock leads to Inspiration

Every now and then we are given a wake up call - sometimes we listen, sometimes not.

N and I received a huge one on the weekend when a longtime friend of N's died suddenly of a heart attack - he was only 36 years old. Mixed up with the grief comes a feeling of "am I doing what I want to be doing, because well, you never know what tomorrow may bring. Would I look at my life and be satisfied I'd done all the things I wanted, was the best person I could be". And for most of us we wouldn't be happy with the answers to those questions, because it becomes so easy to just "be in" your life, rather than really "live it". I do achieve goals, have enriching experiences and I make sure I regularly tell the people I care about that I love them. But I still have a very long To Do list - and at moments like these I realise that if I don't get a wriggle on, I may run out of time to get them all done. I mean, this year I've travelled all over the world (South Africa, around Australia, New Zealand, France, Scotland and Hong Kong) and had amazing experiences, we got pregnant, I've supported N through big changes in his career and supported family members through health scares, but I still have things I haven't done, risks I haven't taken, things I haven't said.

At the moment I swing between despair and uncontrollable bouts of tears, to feeling like I'm sparking with inspiration to get on with life. Out of a tragic loss it can be very difficult to find anything positive. Once the pain and shock subsides, I hope I can hold onto this renewed desire to live for today. It sounds wrong, but I feel inspired by the tragedy. It isn't disrespectful, actually I kind of feel it shows a lot of respect - this person meant alot to us and I refuse to let his passing not make a difference to me, even if it is just a slight attitude adjustment to be thankful for everyday I have.

Everywhere, everyday someone experiences tragedy - finding the strength and inspiration to move on, to do better, to be better is the challenge. If you haven't had that wake up call recently, maybe it's time to think back to a time when you did and remind yourself, not only of the pain, but of how fortunate you are to still have the chance to do all those things that are important to you.





I've just been looking at this post for ages - should I post it, should I not... I'm not looking for sympathy - I'm just trying to process the chaos of emotions I'm experiencing at the moment. Trying to remind myself that life goes on, the pain eases and the memories remain. Dealing with the shock of losing someone so young, so vibrant. There are so many wonderful things happening in my life at the moment, that something like this just reminds me to really appreciate them, to not take anything for granted and to get off my butt!!!