Friday, November 16, 2007

Where Have I Been and Where am I Going?

I just wrote that title and now looking at it realise that it is a huge statement and beyond my abilities to answer at this moment!! But I'm going to stick with the title and just see what happens!

First - the easy one - where have I been? Everywhere man!!! I have spent the past 6 weeks circling the globe with my wonderful husband N and my gorgeous, resilient, adaptable 19 month old son D. We made our annual pilgrimage to the northern hemisphere for N's work and to visit family in Glasgow, plus we added on a few other countries along the way. The plan was to keep each travel leg to a manageable length to avoid the dramas we had with D last year (30hrs straight on planes with a sick, screaming baby was hell on earth). So we ended up with an itinerary that looked like this: starting in New Zealand, 1 week in Perth, 2 days in Hong Kong, 2 weeks in France, 1 week in Glasgow, 2 days in New York, 1 week in Chile, home... phew! It was wonderful, eye-opening, exhausting. And I'm so glad to be home!!!

Where am I going? God, I wish I knew!!! Going straight to insanity maybe? (do not pass Go, do not collect $200) I have all these ideas of what I want to do, but the reality is so far removed from what I dream about that I get so disheartened and then don't even start. I am so lucky - so blessed with love, good fortune and good health - but I still sometimes feel hollow and lost. I feel like I need to talk to someone who isn't family or a friend, who I can be completely open and honest with and not worry about hurting their feelings or having them worry about me. Someone who can talk straight to me. Maybe someone who can help me with my lack of motivation and will-power, who can support and advise me. I have even considered seeing a hypnotist to get me back on track, to reboot my brain and get it working properly again. Then maybe I could work out where I am going, and actually start moving towards that place.

Hmmm, enough downloading of thoughts for now...time for sleep. Thanks for listening.